The Wife

Tonight I am "Baching" it! The wife (Kathy) is out with some Facebook friends then on her way to my daughters bacholerette party, Until lately I have not had many nights home alone. Now I think I will have a few more.

Here is the honest truth. I love my wife more than can be said here. I am free to say that not only because it is true but for as much as I can tell, the family does not know about this blog. Not that I care if they do, I have been pretty open with all of them but for some reason this has become my place where I can say what I want and not worry about who reads it. I saw a local news story last night about Facebook and Twitter. Simply said the story explained that Facebook was a place you shared with friends and Twitter was more of a reaching out to strangers thing. Twitter is like Vegas, "what happens in twitter stays in twitter." I look at this blog the same way. Telling strangers doesn't count...right!

So, getting back to the wife. I love her. She has been my best friend since we were 14 years old. We spent our last year of Junior High together, High School together, stayed with each other even though we went to different Colleges and have been together ever since. That's 41 years. After that long you pretty much know your partner. 

Not everybody, including my family understands Kathy.You know how family can be. They see you one way but see things as they seem, not as they are. This is the deal; Kathy did not have your everyday normal life. Taken from her mom at three because she was not able to care for her, almost taken away from her only family she knew at 10 but then able to return home. Lived with a raging alcoholic and slept with a knife under her pillow for protection and yes pulled it out once. Lived  with a wonderful aunt who didn't care for me much but would do anything for her adopted daughter. I mean anything. Through all of this managed to be a top student and was popular with most. 

Kathy would admit she is not your typical nurturing mom. This is where I think the family misunderstands. Kathy would do anything for the kids and me, anything. My children see me as the person who cooked and cleaned and did most activities with them. Mom worked.  She worked because I did not make enough money to pay the bills. She worked because she was very good at it.


When she was 17 Kathy worked full time at a local department store while still in high school. She worked 20 years for a well known national store and then 12 years ago took somewhat of a big chance.


I remember the week 12 years ago my oldest was on her way out of state to college and my dear wife announced she was leaving her job of 20 years to open her own gift store. I did what most husbands would do, I said "are you crazy!" But, Erin went off to school, we leased a spot and opened Kathy's Keepsakes in about a week. For the last 12 years Kathy has worked hard keeping the business open. It has never been a "money maker" and yes the burden of most bills has been on me the last 12 years. I am okay with that. We are happy. This is where Kathy and I differ with the family. They do not get it. They don't understand why we have mortgaged, borrowed and leveraged to make this work. They blame their mom. I do not. 


The past 12 years have been an adventure but she is happy. The store is hers, she is her own boss. After working for somebody for close to 30 years she took the risk, a risk I could not take, and opened her own business.


The store will be hers for 7 more days. The doors close may 31, 2011.


Reality has sunk in. We are drained, wiped out, we have invested as much as we can and cannot do it any more. So, going way, way, way back to the start of this long story, why will I be home alone more often if the store is closing? 


It's because my wife has gone and taken not one, not two but 3 jobs to get us back on track. It's because this wife of mine is not sitting on the pity pot but is taking care of business the way she knows best, to work. On top of the 3 jobs she is keeping the business open on line and will be working it as well. 


Kathy was in an accident 22 years ago. While six months pregnant was hit walking to work. The accident resulted in some nerve damage in her foot and leg. For the most part she got along fine with the use of a cane. A few years ago things got a  bit more difficult and found out she has monoeuropathy. We never told the family what the doctor said (heck, we can't even pronounce it), she just called it "stupid leg." Sometimes I think they just don't get it. So, she still uses her cane for the most part but has relied on her wheelchair more and more for longer trips. I think the kids and my family think she does not hurt as bad as she does. Well, it hurts. They don't see her struggle just to stand, they don't hear her cry at night when it hurts so bad she can't sleep. They don't know because she doesn't tell them. 


This has been a tough couple of years for us but it has also been the best of times. Get it, "It was the worst of times, it was the best of times."
Together we are making things work. For the past 41 years we have made things work. I love my wife.

This One's All about Me

Everyday rain or shine(and living in Tacoma, WA it is mostly rain)I take Coco out to the park or for a walk. It is then that I do my best thinking. In truth I think out loud, but that is okay because I have my bluetooth in my ear. Oh, it isn't on But I am not stupid. I may be crazy but I am definitely not stupid. If people look at me I just point to the bluetooth and wham... they nod yes and all is good.

But here is the thing, I am 55 and lately I have been going over and over in my mind and out loud, "when and how did I get to be 50 f'n 5!"  I am not saying I don't sometimes feel 55 but most of the time I don't. No midlife crisis here I promise. I am very happy. I have the best wife, life and children going. Sure we have struggles just like most people but right now I am pretty happy. All that being said, something is just bugging me right now and I cannot get a handle on it.

About a week ago my daughter asked me if I wanted to golf with her fiance and his buddies before the big wedding. I said no. I told her I didn't need to be around the "guys" and that time was for Jakob and his friends and not some old man. I was being sincere. There was a time when I did need that. I wanted to be included in my kids activities as one of the gang. I not only enjoyed it but expected it. I meant what I said but that doesn't mean I miss it. Truth is, I feel more at home with 20 and 30 year olds than 50 or 60 year olds. I think that is why I enjoy officiating so much, I love being in the environment of young high school and college age kids.

So where does that leave me? Talking to myself OUT LOUD about what is going on in this crazy head of mine? I figured it out on my way home from the park. I told Coco (ya I know... but it is okay I had my bluetooth in) it is simple, I feel....YOUNG. It sounds so simple but it is complicated. I FEEL YOUNG. the phrase is from Captain James T Kirk. Wrath of Kahn. At the movies end when the Genesis planet was formed, Dr. McCoy asked the Captain how he felt. McCoy knew the Captain was struggling with his mortality, with his life, with his contribution to the universe. Kirk thought for a minute and said, "I feel... Young." I get it. It isn't about midlife it is about "when it is all said and done, where am I and what have I contributed." By feeling "Young" you have time to give more. Time to give to yourself, your family, your friends, your community, your country,your world, your universe. Young is time. Young means I have time to give. Young means I am not done.


I am... Young.

Wow

hi i am really getting hi tech... for a 55 year old. My first post from my phone. Success?

At What Point

In one month, exactly one month our oldest daughter will be married. I am very excited and getting a bit anxious. The young man is a good person, and a gentleman and I could not be more proud of both of them. I love them both.

My second born and only son is in a relationship with a wonderful young lady and her daughter that turned 4 yesterday. When I watch him with her I again could not be more proud. He is so very good and has gone through more than anyone deserves but seems to bounce back, get up and moves forward. I love him with my whole heart.

My youngest is in her last year of college. She has set goals and achieved them. While going to school she has worked just about everyday. She has chronic asthma but does not let that defeat or define her. In fact she will be a Health/PE teacher very soon. She surrounds herself with good people. Tattoos and all (I lost count) she is beautiful. Although young she is in a relationship that makes her happy, so in turn I am also happy. I love her beyond words.

So, my point? Simply, at what point does a dad say, "I am done, my job is done, I can let go." One month before my daughters wedding I am feeling that I am close to that point. I have been a dad for 31 years. I love being a dad, I have always loved the title. My kids are ready, they will be a success but I will now and forever be their dad.

Kids, I am proud of you.